The Truth
by night inside
Summary: Connor learns if his new life is real.
1. departure

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that you recognize in this fiction. If you don't recognize them then they are mine. ^_^.  
  
Distribution: Just ask. Shadows_After_Dark@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: What if Connor found out that his new life was a lie?  
  
A.N.: Set after "Home" Connor is leaving for college.  
  
A.N.: Connor's point of view. Enjoy.  
  
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It's not true is it? I wake up every morning not recognizing where I am. Then it all comes back. Fuzzy at best, but it rushes in and the light, it almost blinds me. I remember my childhood, my family, but I don't feel familiar with it. Like I know what a million dollars is but I'm not familiar with it. Because I've never had it. All I can see is chaos, people crying and monsters. My father, no, I don't know this person but HE looks familiar. He says he loves me then his face disfigures. He's a monster too, but monsters don't exist, right?  
  
My mother or the woman who thinks she's my mother calls my name.  
  
"Connor, wake up!"  
  
That name feels so familiar but it's so far away and I can't reach it.  
  
"Connor!"  
  
Now I remember. I'm supposed to go UCLA today, but why? Because that's what you do after high school. I'm packed and I leave today. I leave the home I grew up in. This is the home I grew up in, right?  
  
I pull myself out of bed and see familiar faces, but they weren't familiar three months ago. They were just fuzzy memories, but the dreams. No, not dreams. I'm awake. It's what I remember late at night when I'm lying in my bed. They look like dreams because they're so hard to believe. Not dreams, nightmares. The red sky, no, its raining fire. Which one is it? A woman, she's nice. A family but it didn't last. A gun, no, two N's and Fred only she's a woman. My head hurts.  
  
"Connor get up, it's time to go."  
  
Someone is touching my shoulder. I open my eyes. It's the woman. My mother, my memories say she's my mother, so she must be. I smile.  
  
"I'm up"  
  
I come downstairs after getting ready and decide on a simple breakfast of orange juice. I say my goodbyes. The little girl, my sister, she looks grumpy. It doesn't matter. I get in my car. 18th year birthday present. It was nice of them.  
  
To them I was going to L.A. to learn. I was but not what they thought. I would learn the truth. Even if I died trying.  
  
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Please review. Give me ideas and what not. It will depend on you if I write more or not. 


	2. Pieces of a puzzle

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction, blah blah. Don't sue.  
  
Chapter summary: Connor gets closer to the truth.  
  
A.N.: Connor's point of view.  
  
Chapter two. . . enjoy.  
  
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I was in L.A. for two months, just searching. Only I didn't know for what. Now don't get me wrong, what I left behind wasn't all that bad. I had a mother, a father, and a sister, but I also had brutal and gruesome dreams and the worst feeling of emptiness. Like nothing else mattered. At the time I thought I got caught up in some fantasy novel that seemed to be dripping into my subconscious. I dreamed of things so inexplicable that it was too bizarre for me to speak aloud. I would probably be committed into a mental hospital and they would have thrown away the key before they would even considered what I said was true. So I walked around searching. I didn't really know for what, but I would know when I saw it. The missing piece of the puzzle that hides from you so you can feel twice as proud when it's done and you look down at the complete beautiful picture. I knew it was dangerous to go gallivanting in the middle of the night searching for something besides nothingness, but I wouldn't stop. Not until I see that complete picture. I turn the corner into an alleyway, a shortcut to my car. I should have gone back to my dorm about an hour ago considering the time of night and the fact that I had classes the next day. I stop short in the middle of the cramp alleyway confronted by a group of 5 people. One woman, three men, and something that looked like a man or at least would pass for one if you took away the horns and the distinct green tint to it. The one with funny hair and dressed in black stood a few feet away, the rest just crowded around, the green thing trying to hid and look normal only making it stand out more.  
  
"Excuse me." He was blocking my path and it looked like a pulled him out deep thought.  
  
"Right, sorry." And he stepped aside. I walked rashly and as fast as I could without looking like I was scared. I wasn't but I didn't want to stick around to find something I would be afraid of. I didn't actually make it to my car; as a matter of fact I got about a foot out of the alleyway before I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I look down just in time to see a large spike retract from me and I look at the source and it's a gray thing that looked like it had boils all over its skin. It said something in a foreign language that sounded vaguely like oops, or something close to it. The thing started to run away before I hit the floor. I felt colder by the second. I heard voices but they seemed so far away.  
  
"Gunn, Wes, see if you can catch up to the demon. Fred call 911." I recognized that voice but couldn't put my finger on it. He took off his jacket and put pressure to my wound with it.  
  
"That thing has a weird poison on its claws, they can't handle it at the hospital. We do own a law firm. Should we call Wolfram and Hart, they do have a medical department after all." That sounded familiar too. Is this what I have been looking for? Had I found the missing piece? It didn't look beautiful at all. It was actually very frightening and painful. Should I be worried that I'm not going to a hospital? The pain wasn't going away entirely, I just felt numb and I like I was lying in ice. I don't care where they take me as long as it's warm. The man dressed in black seemed to feel my sentiment.  
  
"I don't care who you call just get some help!" why was he helping me? I think a lot of people might just have ran thinking that, whatever it was, would come after them too.  
  
"Connor." He muttered under his breath, and pulled me out of my old thoughts and into new ones. How did he know my name? It got colder and then I dawned on me.  
  
"Am I going to die?" I asked and I felt that I was shivering. He put more pressure on the wound, and I really wish he hadn't, but the looking his eyes took my mind off my pain. I have never seen eyes so broken before, only in my dreams. It was like everything they had was slipping away from them right before their eyes.  
  
"No, you're going to be fine."  
  
"But its cold."  
  
"I know, but you're going to fine." He said it like he was trying to convince himself more than anybody else.  
  
"What was that thing?" things were getting darker. Once again the pain in his eyes took me away from my own thoughts. I could see the turmoil in them. It was like witnessing a war.  
  
"It was a demon." I didn't know it would be the truth and I kept looking in his eyes. I read them like I book and I knew inside that it was. They were getting watery. I didn't know that a random stranger could spark so much emotion into a person. He was crying. I tasted blood.  
  
"Do you have a family?" I saw the green thing and I felt the man in black flinch. Why?  
  
"Not in L.A." they would hate to find out that I had gotten so hurt after just two months away from home. They would probably never let me leave again and lock me in the basement or something. "Don't tell them, I don't want them to worry, okay?" it nodded.  
  
"Promise." I think I smiled but I wasn't sure.  
  
"They're here." The woman said. I remember people crowding around then darkness after that. It was perfect blissful darkness.  
  
* * *  
  
When I woke I heard voices outside my slightly opened door.  
  
"I don't care, Lilah. Give him back his memory. He cant protect himself if he doesn't know what's out there. He could have died last night."  
  
"But he didn't."  
  
"Lilah-"  
  
"Fine, you're the boss."  
  
I blacked out again but before I had the feeling I wasn't going to wake up the same way. All I could think about was the conversation. How could someone just give someone memory? How could you take it away? I guess I would find out.  
  
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Please review. 


	3. waking up

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction, blah blah. Don't sue.

A.N.: Sorry for the long paragraphs. Not much action but I just want to fix the father son relationship. Sorry if Connor gets too whiny. 

A.N: I finished this story a long time ago and I noticed I get more reviews if I put out one chapter at a time so expect updates at least every other day. ^_^.

Chapter three. . Enjoy.

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Everything rushed into my mind, a red sky, and betrayal. I saw lie after lie. I hated it, and Angel did nothing but hit me and throw me out, and Hotlz. He lied to me, too. He lied to me my entire life, it was always God and kill Angelus only he forgot to tell me Angelus didn't exist anymore, it was just Angel.

            The entire time I couldn't get that look in his eyes out of my mind. When he saw me lying on the floor, realized that it wasn't the look of someone losing everything. It was the look of a parent losing a child. He had that same look when I was talking to him in that sports store. Hotlz never had that look in his eyes. You'd think living in Qour'toth with the constant danger would put that look in a father at least once, but it never happened, not really. So was Holtz the bad guy or Angel? With Angel something always happened that kept forcing us to look away from each other. It always ended badly. He said he loved me but I never got why. 

Lies.

I told him how I felt about lying in that store and then he comes around and makes my entire life a lie. The only difference is that I don't remember and look where that got me. I have a hole in my gut. I suppose he just wanted me to be happy. Every time I got happy in Qour-toth, normally after a successful hunt, Holtz told me about Angelus and his family. Only on horrible days he would tell stories about Utah, but I always got the felling he was telling me these stories to make me feel worse. Kind of like saying it was my fault we were in hell and not on a beautiful ranch in a dimension where killing for survival really didn't exist. Some times I would just wish he got to the gory details of his families death, then there was stories about God but I always seemed to zone out on those. I got beaten regularly when it came to bible stories. It was just life but never happy. 

Angel, when I first got here, looked like he desperately wanted to reach out but after his under the sea tour, I saw him cringe when he saw me. Maybe it was just my imagination, but he said he forgave me but when I looked at him I saw him look at me with a glint of mistrust and aversion. Kind of like Holtz used to look at me at me after he witnessed one of my fights. They have a lot in common only I think Angel's love is genuine. He got me out of Wolfram and Hart when the beast came. Holtz never really went out of his way to find out if I was all right. Actually on many occasions I was sure he was trying to kill me. Considering the history, I don't really doubt all that much anymore. Doesn't matter.

While I was healing, Angel, on many occasions, came to sit by my bed. I couldn't stand to look at him so I just pretended I was asleep whenever he stopped by. I wanted to ask him so many questions but I didn't know where to start.

When I could walk without feeling a sharp in pain in my abdomen, he took me to his new place. I couldn't believe he had control of the evil law firm that tried to kill me, and then dissect me. They probably were responsible for me growing up in hell. I couldn't really ask him anything. I just nodded like an idiot when he told me what had been happening while I was gone. Cordelia was still in a coma.

"Do you want to see her?" It looked like he felt obligated to ask. I sensed his pain.

"No, it's okay." Truth be told, I was ashamed. I had tried to kill her and I didn't deserve to see her, and I don't think he wanted me to either. He explained who the bleached blonde vampire was. Only he wasn't really a vampire anymore because he was a ghost. That was creepy. He also told me that only him and me would remember the events of the last year with me in them. As long as they were concerned the me as a baby didn't even exist. I was kind of hurt but more relived than anything else. This conversation was flowed by lots of nodding from me. I felt guilty but I would talk to him. . .eventually.

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Please review. Reminder: expect updates regularly from this story. ^_^. 

Sorry if the chapter isn't that long. . .


	4. conversations with your nephew

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction, blah blah. Don't sue.

A.N.: Thanks for reviewing but if I don't get more I might just store away the story. . .never to be seen again. . . *stares off into the distance* 

Chapter 4. . . enjoy

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I woke up screaming. The second I opened my eyes I forgot most of the graphic images of my nightmare. I was sweaty and the change of scenery didn't help. I was in another room of my Dad's 'penthouse'. The view was great but after two nights I still wasn't accustomed to the scene. I didn't go back to college. I tried but couldn't stand it. Normal people living normal lives. Angel offered to take me back, remove my memory again but I cant live a lie. I'm tired of living lies. I need the truth, so I sat in my room thinking, waiting for the answer or for someone to just hand me an easier way even though I knew I couldn't get it without the lies so I just waited. 

I headed to my bathroom, it was 3 o'clock in the morning but I didn't feel like I could go back to sleep. I decided it was best that I just wander around. 

After I showered and dressed I strolled through Wolfram and Hart for about an hour.

"Can't sleep, can you?" a British accent came from behind me. I didn't know the whole history but I couldn't hear or smell him when he was near. Even if he could walk through me I don't trust anyone who can sneak up on me. I turn to face him.

"Not really."

"Neither could your father." 

"What?"

"The poof heard you and stood around not wanting to go. Afraid of how you'd react in my opinion." Angel had to have heard my distress in my sleep but it didn't even cross my mind at the time, but that's not what I meant. Plus I didn't want to think about his comment.

"I didn't mean the dream. How did you know that Angel was my father?"

"I was trying out the whole ghost thing and over heard. He's gone soft."

"You would know, right?"

"'Course, he's my grandsire, guess that makes you my uncle."

I sighed. I hated to think I had any connection to any vampire but I knew it was true.

"You should talk to him? My insults don't even faze him anymore. He's all mopey." 

"So I should talk to my father so you can insult him?"

"Well it's better than me telling you about my father and my poetry. Don't really need 'em."  He whispered the last bit. I sensed a grudge and it was good to know that I wasn't the only one with father problems but poetry. I had to smile at that but it was just faint.

"You? And poetry?"

"What? Don't look like the type?"

"Not really." 

"You just haven't heard any from me, but if you did. . .total amazement." He waved a hand at me.

"Right." I could feel my faint smile turn into a grin, but I turned and continued with my walk not really in the mood for a conversation, then I realized in that moment what I was going to do about my father. That moment of distraction had given me the answer. Deeply hidden but it was there. Just as I turned the corner I said:

"Thanks. I think I will talk to him." And continued. I wasn't really sure why he would even care I talked to him or not and I doubt it was just to make fun of him but it was appreciated nonetheless. Eventually I found my way back to my room and fell on my bed surprisingly tired.

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Not much left now. Please review.


	5. fixing the problem

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction, blah blah. Don't sue.

A.N.: I thought why not post the chapter since I finally have free time? So I did.

Chapter 5. . .enjoy.

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When I woke up, I had gone through the scenario about a thousand times in my sleep and my heart felt like it was on fire. It was about 10 A.M. when I realized I was tired of waiting. I went to his office in blind rage, probably not the best mood to have a hopefully civilized conversation. Before I went in I heard Wesley say something.

"If we're going to do something, we have to do it quickly." I didn't care, but when I reached for a knob on the outside of the closed double doors I almost went back to my room. I sighed and with that mere exhale my entire plan went with it. I entered the room slightly hastier than I would have intended. I felt all eyes on me as I entered but my blindfold of rage was over my eyes again. I stopped right in front of his desk and spoke soft but fierce.

"I need to talk to you."

"Connor, can you wait? I'm kind of-"

"No." I interrupted him. I could see the expression on his face turn from cautious to worried.

"I'm tired of waiting." The rest looked confused but Gunn looked defensive. Even with no memory of what I did, he still didn't trust me. Angel nodded.

"Okay."

"Angel-" Wesley looked concerned but I couldn't wait, right?

"It's okay, um, we'll pick this up later." Everybody left and I stood there before him with a million questions but couldn't ask one. He would get mad or I would get mad, then we'd fight and he would throw me out. One way or another I always ended up alone, and I couldn't stand him abandoning me again. Maybe a quick escape was in order. I took out the spare key to his new place that he had given me and put it on his desk. He looked down at it, his face full of pain.

"Why?" his voice had a mix of question and grief.

"Because you don't get to let me go this time. I let you go. I. Abandon. You."

"Is that what you think I did?" he said standing up and looking me in the eye.

"Isn't that what you did? You never wanted me here. I did something wrong and you threw me away like a broken toy. I was the thing that never should have happened and you were ashamed. You still are, aren't you?" So much for the quick escape just red rage.

"Connor, I was never ashamed of you. I-"

"Then why did you erase everyone's memory?"

"Because I don't want them to worry about you or feel pain and I wanted the same for you. You were so obsessed by the concept of having a family that I decided to give you one."

"That wasn't your decision to make! Why are you constantly making choices for everyone?"

"Because I'm older and I know what's out there."

"Just because you're older, doesn't mean you're wiser. I don't think you lived out there for a long time. I bet the second you turned into a vampire you kept a safe distance from the world." He walked from behind the desk and I took a few steps back expecting a fight, but the hits never came. He walked around the desk and leaned on the front of it, crossing his arms. His voice got so soft it was painful for me to hear. 

"Then were are we if not in the world?" I calmed slightly and the fire in my heart was reduced to just angst.

"We're under it." I think there was more pain in those words than I had intended, because his eyes started to water but he kept the same tone.

"And I gave you a life above that, above this." I could tell my eyes were welling up now.

"No, you gave me a lie."

"I gave you a family." That comment sparked the fire again and it raged so much inside of me I thought my insides were going to explode, and somewhere in those mix of emotions my pride drowned.

"You _are_ my family! Don't you get it?! You are all I have! You may have your friends and comfortable everything here but I don't have that. I have you, and you toss it away. I thought vampires appreciated blood." Tears were rolling down both of our cheeks. He came over and hugged me. I think this was our first real hug. I didn't push away. I didn't cringe or flinch. It was just father and son. The way it should be, right?

END

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I know. . .not much of a plot but I couldn't stand the episode 'Home'. It left too many holes. So I fixed them. Please review. It will depend on you if there is a sequel, and if I do there will be an actual plot to it.


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